Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Glad I wrote all that last night, because today, I am at a loss for words. Dedicating a shift today in your memory. You live on in our hearts. RIP sweetheart.

Laura

April 25, 2013

15 years ago today you were taken from us. I cannot believe it’s been 15 years, just seems crazy. Some days it feels like you were killed an eternity ago, everything is fuzzy and gray and details are hard to recall. Other times, I feel like it was only yesterday they were handing me your folded flag. I remember my heart pounding and tears flowing down my face as I leaned over and kissed your casket. Time may have helped me become stronger, but the pain is still very much there. My daughter helped me place beautiful flowers and an angel for you on Saturday. Allen, I have just been so blessed in my life. I have a wonderful, loving family that allows me to continue to grieve and helps me keep your memory alive. Thank you for continuing to send me strength on difficult days such as these. Watch over us from above.

Love Always,

Laura Gibson-Szerokman, Surviving Spouse
of Ofc. Allen W. Gibson, Jr. EOW: 04/25/98

April 24, 2013

Wore your shirt today and it brought me luck ;). Just qualified at the firing range and shot 100, my Sergeant was proud. I know you're proud & smiling down :) Thanks for being a guardian angel to many officers!

Laura

January 29, 2013

We lost another LEO Friday night. I know you welcomed Trooper Fox to his new home but he is missed by many down here. Grief is such an emotional roller coaster ride. My heart is breaking today. It's breaking for my loss, the family of Trooper Fox, and every other family that has lost an officer. I try to be strong for the families they leave behind but it's so hard because with every LEO death it just brings up my own pain and loss. I refuse to let them walk alone though. I will be there for them. Grief is a journey that doesn't end when the funeral is over, when you've remarried, or even after 14 years. Grief is a lifetime journey full of ups and downs and today is just a "down" day. Please send us strength to carry on.

Much love being sent to Heaven.
-Laura

Laura Gibson-Szerokman, Surviving Spouse
of Ofc. Allen W. Gibson, Jr. EOW: 04/25/98

October 8, 2012

God is such an awesome God. It simply amazes me how he works when we truly put our faith in him. I am very thankful you had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as well. I read a book after you were killed that helped me so much. Not sure if "read" is the best word to use, (probably more like clung to it desperately). It was entitled "When Your Rope Breaks". I actually took an excerpt from it and taped it to my car, bed, refrigerator, work, etc. It helped me realize that God not only SAW my broken heart, but he would also SEE me through it! I found that book this weekend and a copy of the following that I had taped inside my car. Here’s what it said:

"I suspect that God says to those who have a broken rope (if we listen), "Child, I know it hurts. I know your fear and your emptiness. If there was a way your finite mind could understand, I would explain it to you. I want you to remember that if there was any other way, I would have chosen it. But there isn't, so hang tough and someday you will understand."

This gave me the realization to believe God saw me right where I was at that very moment in time. He saw my pain, the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. He saw my emptiness. He saw my hopelessness. He saw how deeply my heart ached to see you again. BUT this excerpt also gave me hope. Hope that life would eventually get better. Hope that I would learn to live and love again. And guess what? Life did get better! Do I still miss you? SURE! Do I still have bad days? ABSOLUTELY. Will I ever be “normal” again? Lol nope. But I know where my hope lies and that gets me through day after day after day. Sometimes all we need to do is stop and remember we have that blessed hope of seeing our loved ones again in Heaven. Thank God for the hope, peace, and comfort he sends to those who mourn. “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Mat. 5:4

Laura

September 10, 2012

We just got back from DC for National Police Memorial Week. Words cannot describe the emotions and feelings that emerge from visiting that place and seeing all the mementos left at the wall. I loved seeing my extended COPS family and meeting new ones. It’s always sad when the time comes to leave them. I find it hard to believe I now have “family” from coast to coast. I sure do hate I made it into this organization, but I’m so grateful for their support and friendship. A Hero remembered…NEVER dies!

Laura

May 16, 2012

We are celebrating your birthday at the police department today by eating Mexican :). I am ordering your favorite dish...ordered just the way you liked it!

Laura

May 4, 2012

Happy Birthday, Allen!! It is so hard to believe you would have been 40 years old today. It sounds crazy that you have been gone that long. You were 25 the last time I kissed those lips and told you I loved you. I will release balloons today in your memory. Hope they make them to Heaven & bring a smile to your face!

Laura Gibson-Szerokman, Surviving Spouse
of Ofc. Allen W. Gibson, Jr. EOW: 04/25/98

May 4, 2012

April 27, 1996 - Wow, 16 years ago today we said I do. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember so much, maybe too much…I remember your face when I started walking down the aisle, I remember your laugh when I was unable to blow my side of the unity candle out, I remember us driving off with our car fully engulfed in “police line-do not cross” tape. I remember your smile, your laugh, your contagious good mood, I remember you continuously singing in the car – even if it was usually off key :), I remember you loved making us dinner, I remember you always greeting me with “hello beautiful” when I answered the phone or walked into the door, I remember the countless practical jokes you used to play on me. I guess when all you have are memories…those memories become treasures you hold in your heart forever. Even the smallest, most minute memory you hold onto with everything you have and hope you never forget it. As long as we keep your memory alive in our hearts, you will never really be gone. There is no doubt in my mind, you’re still here. Happy Anniversary, Allen. Love you always.
"You're Still Here" by Faith Hill
Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away
And I knew it couldn't be but my heart believed
Oh it seems like there’s something everyday
How could you be so far away
When you're still here
When I need you you're not hard to find
You're still here
I can see you in my baby's eyes
And I laugh and cry
You're still here
Had the dream last night
That you came to me on silver wings of light
I flew away with you in the painted sky
And I woke up wondering what was real
Is it what you see and touch or what you feel
Cause you're still here
Oh you're everywhere we've ever been
You're still here
I heard you in a stranger's laugh
And I hung around to hear you laugh again
Just once again
Oh...
Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away
Away

Laura

April 27, 2012

Thinking of you and your family today, the fourteenth anniversary of your death. I am holding your family in my heart's embrace. Thanks to your family and friends for sharing their memories and devotion to you through their reflections, especially Laura and your princess daughter.

Phyllis Loya
Mom of fallen California Officer Larry Lasater, Pittsburg PD, eow 4/24/05

April 26, 2012

rest in peace and may god bless you.

Lt. J Pease
B.P.D.

April 25, 2012

04/25/98 – 04/25/2012 14 years...wow that's just crazy. I cannot believe you've been gone 14 years now. I guess to many people my grieving days are long gone, but they’re not. I’m remarried to a wonderful man that allows me to grieve when I need to and keep you in my heart forever. He attends police week with me and holds me as I stand by your panel, looking at your engraved name and reflecting on the life we once lived. I have two beautiful children, whom I love more than life itself. I have supportive friends and family, my PD family, and a loving God I serve. So on the outside…yes, I’m doing fine! But on the inside…somewhere deep down I’m still that grieving young widow that got the news so long ago that the man she loved would never return home again. I have learned a lot since that day. I realize sometimes dreams do shatter, but I have also come to know that God is always there to help you pick up the pieces and rebuild your shattered life. There will always be a missing piece, a scar, an imperfect part…but that’s just who I am now. So even though I have “moved on”, you’re still a part of me. I remember our good times and I’ve learn to let the “why did this have to happen?” questions go for now. I don’t have to understand. I just have to rely on the one who does understand and he gives me strength to face days like today and the unknown tomorrows. RIP Allen. You will be loved and missed forever.
Grief~
You don't get over it, you just get through it.
Your don't get by it, because you can't get around it.
It doesn't 'get better'; it just gets different.
Everyday... Grief puts on a new face....

Laura

April 24, 2012

We had a LODD in the next town from me yesterday. I know you greeted Ofc. Crouse yesterday but he has a big family, including five children that misses him terribly. Please send strength down to us and watch over us from above. This is bringing up my own nightmare as well as other survivors (got a call from one last night) so we could really use some strength so I can be there for this widow and family and let them know I've walked in their shoes and I can help them trudge through this horrific nightmare that has somehow become their reality. I love and miss you all, our fallen heroes.

Laura
wife

December 9, 2011

Just got back from DC for police memorial week, which was a very surreal, emotional experience as always. I loved seeing my extended COPS family and meeting new friends. Im already planning next years trip!

I sat there Saturday night looking at your name on the wall. It was very late so it was quiet and peaceful and the moonlight seemed to dance across Panel 26. I couldnt help thinking about how far Ive come in 13 years. Instead of sitting there crying my eyes out, I smiled.NOT because you were gone, but because you lived and because of how far I have come since your death. I used to go police week to get help, now I go to help others. Thats when you know youre truly healing. Thats when you KNOW you have stopped being a victim and have become a survivor.

Thanks for all the strength you have sent down to me over the years. I know I am making you proud, because I am proud of myself. I am proud that I have fought to keep going and with Gods help, I have succeeded. God knows Ive felt like giving up so many times, but I never did. My experiences have only made me more determined to live my life to the fullest. I now live one day at a time, and enjoy every moment as if it were my last. I treasure life and everyone in it. This is the way life was meant to be lived!

Laura

May 16, 2011

Happy Birthday, Allen! You would have been 39 today. I hope you have a wonderful day of celebration in Heaven as I'm sure you do everyday. You are loved and missed by many.

It's almost time for police week again so I will be heading to DC soon. I can't wait to see all of my extended family that I have met through the years in COPS. Love them so much and sincerely appreciate their continued support. It's amazing how close you can get to "total strangers" when those strangers have the same fears, emotions, and grief as you do. It's an amazing bond that no one would ever understand. I know you're proud of us all for making sure no survivor ever stands in front of that wall facing the engraved named of their fallen officer alone. We will be there.

Laura

May 4, 2011

15 years ago today I became a bride, only to become a widow two very short years later. This year I'm not going to dwell on how traumatic it was to pick out a casket on our 2nd wedding anniversary, instead I'm going to focus on how happy we were on that beautiful Saturday when we said "I do". Little did we know our time would be cut so short. Thinking of you and wishing you a Happy Anniversary in Heaven.

Here was our wedding song...

Our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start.
I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart.
From here on after let's stay the way we are right now,
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow.

I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.

You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete,
And as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet.
As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see,
So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be.

I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.

And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm,
You've got the promise of my love to keep you warm.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine,
A love as true as mine.

Laura

April 27, 2011

04/26/98 – I sat on my parents’ sofa and watched as the sun came up. I was unable to sleep at all. Grief had brought me to a place I had never known before, the place of utter despair. I found myself in a place of hopelessness, the feeling that someone had reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. I just couldn’t understand why the sun rose like any other day. This was NO ordinary day! Then I started hearing cars pass by. Where were those people going? Were they going to church since it was Sunday, or work perhaps? HOW COULD THEY? Did they not know Allen had been killed? That’s when all the innocence in my very young mind was sucked out of me and I realized that although my heart was broken into a million pieces this world would keep spinning around and I would have to go through the motions of the next few days because the world wouldn’t stop for my broken heart.

As I sit here at my desk at work looking at your flag, I am happy that its home is in a police station. That’s where you would want it to be. As I look at the beautiful folded flag, I am reminded that it once draped your casket. I remember the folding of the flag and the chief kneeling down and presenting it. I held on to that flag with all I had, for that’s all I had left of you. As I look at your badge, dog tags, pictures, patches, your name as it appears on the police wall in DC, the candle I have lit in your memory, the beautiful replica of the DC police monument with your name engraved, I realize this is all that is left. These few items and all the memories I have tucked inside my heart. Thirteen years later, the world is still spinning around. Life does go on, but that doesn’t mean we have forgotten. We will never forget the sacrifice you made on that beautiful Saturday morning. Thank you, Allen. We love and miss you.

Laura

April 26, 2011

13 years today. Gone but never forgotten, Heroes Live Forever!

Officer Hayes
Nephew

April 25, 2011

04/25/98 13 years ago today my world changed forever. Maybe I will be stronger and able to write more tomorrow. All I can write today is you will never be forgotten. I love and miss you...

Laura

April 25, 2011

Happy Easter! I'm sure you're rejoicing in Heaven today! I can't imagine what it's like up there but I know I will see it one day! Tomorrow is the big day. 4-25-98 13 years ago tomorrow you were taken from us. Send me strength so I can carry on yet another day without you.

Laura

April 24, 2011

Can't sleep, having a rough time. I miss u. Will I ever understand why this happened? Just reading letters and notes you gave me and looking at all of our pictures tonight. Wish I could post them here. Anyway, send some strength down please. Next few weeks are always so hard for me. Even after 13 years the pain is still right there and the love has only deepened. We will never forget u, Allen b/c as long as you live in our hearts you will never really die.

Laura

April 16, 2011

Having grown up as a child in Waverly, VA from 1973 to 1977, I was particularly struck by the news of Officer Gibson's death. As I read the reflections left by his family and friends I could not help but be overcome by emotion. I'm 44 years old now and haven't cried for a long time, until today. Though I did not know Officer Gibson personally, I thank him so much for his service to our community. I am deeply humbled by the ultimate sacrifice he gave.

CHARLES MAYES
FORMER WAVERLY, VA RESIDENT

April 14, 2011

Well u welcomed 2 more officers home a couple days ago as we lost 2 more here in Virginia. LOD deaths bring up so much pain for me and memories I try to keep tucked away but are unable to at difficult times like these. I can't help but sit here tonight and pray for all those families, friends, and coworkers left behind not to mention the other 2 still fighting for their lives. I just don't understand why cowardly acts such as this continue to occur. I mean if the guy wanted to die why couldn't he have just taken his own life and not shoot 4 men just doing their job?! And then to read some of the comments those backwood rednecks wrote about how "the cops probably asked for it" made me want to throw up! They have no idea what LEOs sacrifice everyday. Anyway, I know you're keeping them company now just send some strength down this way for those of us left to carry on w/out our heroes. :(

Laura

March 16, 2011

Merry Christmas!! I can't believe our last Christmas together was 13 years ago, that just seems unreal. I can't imagine the celebration going on in Heaven, especially at Christmas. Well one thing is for sure you may be gone, but you will never be forgotten!

Laura

December 25, 2010

just got back from Surviving Spouses Getaway in MO and had a blast! I love being with other widows and being able to help them and also get help myself. COPS is such a wonderful organization that helps those of us left behind learn to rebuild our shattered life. I'm already planning another mini spouses getaway to California in the spring. Love my girls and can't wait to see them again. I know we make u all proud up there looking down on us.

Laura
spouse

September 22, 2010