Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

With You
I was with you...all day today.
I walked with you, along the way.
I’ve seen your eyes. I know your fear.
I wish you understood how I am here.
I am here because you know me.
You know me through and through.
You recognize my voice, because it recognizes you.
The truth says it’s not different now, only you can’t see
Because you use your eyes and ears, you may not know it’s me.
So, close your eyes and rest your thought, let me show you how
To know that I am with you, so you will never doubt.
I use the wind, instead of lips, when I want to kiss your cheek.
I’m morning dew in the air that makes you think of me.
I’m the bird outside your window that wakes you way too soon.
I’ll be the loudest of them all, so you’re sure to catch my tune.
Give to me the moment, every time I cross your mind.
Don’t dare pull away, because you lack the time.
I’m trying very hard to tell you I am near.
On the radio, there I am, the very next song you hear.
I have a message just for you.
Don’t pull away, let it through.
Listen! Listen! Not for my voice, listen! Shhhhh.
Those words are my choice.
There’s a stranger passing by, bumps your shoulder, catch his eye.
There I am. Please be kind.
The old book you found yesterday underneath the bed,
Turn the page, stop anywhere. Tell me, what have you read?
Me! A message from me, the only way I do.
There I am, everywhere. Now I’m more a part of you.
I’m the flower in your garden that blooms with little rain,
Giving you beauty, in color, in hopes to ease your pain.
I’m a child with a smile or a baby with a tear.
Look at my face carefully, can’t you see me clear?
I will help you now, carry your burden light.
Know that I will hold you. Walk your days and sleep your nights.
I can do this now, because I have no limit you see.
I have all the world as tools to give you Love from Me.
Although it’s time to close this note, my words still linger on,
And my heart is burning brightly now, so
Listen! Shhhhh. This is our song!
*************************************
A poem for you, Jo and Cody... We love you and pray for you every day.

October 19, 2006

Cody kissed your picture tonight. I didn't ask him to do it, he just grabbed your picture and put his little lips on your face.

October 14, 2006

It's been a really hard couple of weeks. It's been a hard year and a half. I miss you so much that sometimes I can barely get through the day. The only thing that keeps me going is Cody. Sometimes it's so overwhelming doing this alone and I feel so bad for Cody that he only has me. Together this would've been a wonderful experience but alone I have to deal with grief, anger and making all these decisions on my own. Being a parent is amazing but it's not what it should've been. I don't get to share every little thing with anyone. Even though Cody has so many people that love him, I know that the little things he does would only be amazing to me and you.

Cody says grandma and grandpa. Actually, it's his version of the words. It's really cute. As soon as he sees my dad or mom he says it. He loves to look through my purse and take everything out and then try to stuff it back in. He took my camera today and held it up to his face trying to imitate me taking a picture. He gets angry when he doesn't get his way. He can be very dramatic! He's still really sweet, he gives hugs and likes to cuddle.

You're missing what should've been the best part of your life. You accomplished so many things in your short life but I think you would've traded it all to be a dad. I can only imagine how we would've been as a family. I bet we'd be ready for our second child. So much was taken from us that day.

We love you

October 14, 2006

Jo Ann,
I just wanted to let you know I am still thinking of you and Cody and hoping that you are finding sunshine in your son. My thoughts are with you and Cody as are my prayers. Please stay strong and know Larry is always with you. He can't be taken from your heart.........

October 10, 2006

Jo Ann
Your strength & courage is a gift from Heaven. May the love that you have for your husband bring you peace and comfort. Cody is going to grow up a very special boy. His dad will always be there with him in spirit, guiding him with you. My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family. Be strong. Don't let the people who took your husband away take away your smile, because even though a part of you will never be the same, you have reason to smile. Cody will be your ray of sunshine to help you through the day.

October 6, 2006

I never met you, but I feel honored to have known that God created a wonderful person such as yourself. What is going on in todays world. Why are people so full of hate? Is it because parents aren't around to raise their children? How can people want to take another life? Maybe one day you and God will answer those questions for me. Your mother did a wonderful job with you! She should always be proud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 4, 2006

Dear Larry:
In reading about you, I felt compelled to write to you, for several reasons. First, you have EARNED that respect and honor. Though we have never met, I am certain, that some day, we WILL meet in a better place, and I will have the honor to shake your hand. Secondly, I was moved to tears, (again) when I realized that that animal took you away before you had the chance to see your child. When I learned of this, it made me feel even more compelled to go after the criminal element with more vigor and tenacity than ever. When I realize that out there is a woman who lost her husband and friend, a child who will never get to play with his Dad, and a Mom who suffered for 9 months and then gave years of sacrifice to create a caring and brave man like you, I find a resolve deep inside of me that surfaces. And as it does, I find that the resolve makes me continue to do this job with the same honor that you displayed.
For 27 years now, I have worn a badge and lived by the oath we all take. Only now, each time I read about a brother officer who has made the supreme sacrifice, I understand all the more clearly, what it truly means to "serve and protect". To serve the ideals of our forefathers, that our people shall live free from fear; life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness shall be theirs' to enjoy. To protect those who cannot protect themselves, regardless of who or what they are. Larry, you are what an American REALLY is.
May God hold you close. May He ease your wife's suffering and loneliness. May our Heavenly Father safeguard your child, and may He give your Mom the knowledge to know, that because of her, this world was a better place having you in it.
Rest in peace brother. We have the watch now. Amen.

Detective Ron Tomassi
Palm Beach Sheriff's Office-Florida

October 2, 2006

JoAnn ~

I wanted to stop in and let you know I was thinking of you today. I've read your recent reflections to Larry and was struck by the one you left on 7/20 - about things you've written here being published without your authorization. The same thing happened to me a few months ago; someone discovered the ODMP and literally copied one of my reflections to Jesse onto a forum in our local newspaper. It was just awful, I felt so violated. But the situation was corrected and I was also assured it would not happen again.

As a result of that, I also did not post to Jesse for a while. But, like you and so many other wives, I find such comfort here. It's difficult to explain why writing on here is so helpful. So cathartic. But it is. I check alot of sites regularly and reading reflections posted by other widows lets me know that I am not alone - especially when our thoughts seem to be the same, our feelings similar. It reassures me that I am O.K. I also agree with you that a lot of people use this site as a way to find out how we are doing, find out what is going on with us, especially when they don't feel comfortable calling us themselves.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a minute to let you know you were being thought about today. I love to read your updates on Cody; it sounds like he is just adorable. Please take care and know that you are not forgotten.

Thanks again, Larry. May you continue to rest in peace.

Carin Sollman, surviving spouse
Officer Jesse E. Sollman, EOW 3/25/05

September 29, 2006

Life is so very hard without you here.

Love forever

Mom

September 25, 2006

I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad.
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me
I wanna be the one

I will rememeber you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness
Deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

September 18, 2006

I still can't believe that you're gone. It's been almost a year and a half, you'd think I would be able to come to terms with the fact that I'll never see you again but I just can't. It will be exactly a year and a half on our anniversary...it would have been 7 years.

Cody will blurt out "mom" or "ma" sometimes. It's so cute. He still says dog all the time and he's trying so hard to talk. He asks questions and although I can't understand the words he's using, he always gets his point across. He has his 10th tooth coming in.

I took Cody to two College Park freshman football games. You would've loved going to see Joseph play for our old school. Cody and I also went to Vincent's football game, Daniel's soccer game and Nick's baseball game. We still have to see Dominic play which will be really cute. He thinks he's such a big boy playing soccer.

I was looking at your cell phone today and noticed you had programmed voice activation just for my cell phone #. I played it and I now have a way to hear you say my name. I really needed that. I haven't shut off either of your cell phones and I never will since I need to hear your voice.

We love you

September 18, 2006

I'm making a very important decision and I think you'd be proud of me. I think you've been guiding me the whole time. I know this is something we'd be doing if you were here. I'll never do anything that we couldn't or wouldn't have done together. A part of me is sad but the logical side of me is telling me that this is the right thing to do. We don't want to live without you but sadly we have to. I have to make the best life possible for Cody. I know no matter what I do for him his life will never be as great as it would've been with you here. I miss you so much. I know you visited 2 nights ago when you made that toy play by itself for 10 minutes. I think you were telling me I'm doing the right thing.

We love you...

September 13, 2006

Today I attended another graduation ceremony at the Academy and saw Deputy Ryan of the Contra Costa County Sheriff's Dept. receive the Larry Lasater Leadership award. I could not help but cry when I heard the wonderful remarks about you. What a wonderful honor the Academy bestowed upon you by creating this award in your memory.

We all miss you so much. Today is one of those days that I physically hurt with missing you. How I wish your yesterday had been spent with Jo Ann and Cody enjoying the holiday with your family and friends. This nightmare is so unfair as it is for every other fallen officer and his/her loved ones.

You will always be my precious baby.

Loving you forever

Mom

September 5, 2006

THE BROKEN CHAIN

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

--Author Unknown

September 2, 2006

I have been where your family is now, they will move on and you'll never be forgotten. I hope they will get justice so they can move on.

God Bless You for Your Service,

RIP

June Wheeler
Officer Down Victim

August 30, 2006

I saw "World Trade Center" the other day. You loved movies so much and I know this would've been one that we would've seen together. It was an emotional experience especially since it was about the rescue of two trapped police officers. The reaction of the wives was so true to life. Absolute shock when they didn't know what the outcome would be. It reminded me of my reaction when they told me how bad your injuries were but I was saying that you were going to work a construction job once you were home. I knew but I didn't want to believe it. Shock really protects a person from feeling emotions they're not ready for. One of the wives was pregnant and they had been going back and forth on names...just like us. One of the police officers held on for his wife. He even said that his love for her saved him. I wish my love could have saved you. I would've done ANYTHING to bring you home. There was also a Marine and of course that reminded me of you. They don't leave anyone behind and either do police officers. I wish you had never joined the police force but I can't help but be extremely proud of you that you were a part of two amazing brotherhoods. The movie also brought back memories of 9/11 and your frantic call to me telling me to turn around and come home. You didn't want me to go to work. Who would worry about me that much now if something happened?

The trial will be here before we know it and I promise you that I will behave. Last time in court I could feel my anger right at the surface and I almost couldn't control it. Part of the reason was there were some people waiting for another case talking about police officers. I wanted to confront them but instead I just listened and took the advice of someone sitting there and considered the source. Enough said...they weren't too bright.

Love you

August 29, 2006

Cody had his first haircut today! He was pretty good. He still has his curls but now they're not so out of control. What a handsome little boy we have. He now has 9 teeth. He loves planes and loved it when we went to the Concord airport to watch them take off. A pilot waved to him and he waved back. That's the first time he's waved. He loves the fans that you put in so much. He thinks Dominic is the coolest and follows him around. Vincent took him in the pool the other day. Cody is so fortunate to have 6 big boy cousins to play with. All of them are so good with him. Seth and Cody are adorable together. They were trying to hug last night.

Still missing you so much...it never gets easier. Cody smiles at your picture when I ask where his daddy is. It's a special smile that he only gets when he looks at you.

Love you forever

August 29, 2006

R I P, Bro !

Maj M. B. Parlor
USMC / LAPD

August 24, 2006

I have begun to type this message a hundred times.But I always stop because I really dont know what to say.In a couple weeks I leave the academy that you helped me build.I dont know if/when I will be back.I know that without you we would not be as good as we are.You have given me strength and passion to train recruits.Your presence at the Academy will last forever.I have had the honor of having Phil here to guide what will likely be my last class.He got me a bracelet from D.C. to honor you.I wear it with pride and sadness. You would be proud of the job he has done.He and Les are such great cops and the loyalty and love they have for you is inspirational.We all go on with your strength.But I find that I have to mask the sadness with toughness. We miss you Larry....LtMB

Mike Burton
Contra Costa Sheriff's Office

August 21, 2006

I took Cody to Pismo Beach for 2 days. We met my friend Rachel there. It was beautiful...not as beautiful as San Diego but at least I finally took Cody to the beach. Just as I thought he would, he loved it. He was crawling all over the sand and headed right for the ocean. I just kept imagining us there as a family. It would've been the perfect vacation spot for us. I realized that I can take Cody to the most beautiful places on earth and it still won't change a thing. I can take him to baby classes, swimming, to the park, on vacation...it doesn't matter, nothing changes. We still don't have you. I wish I could move to San Diego so he could grow up close to the beach. If I had my family down there I think I'd do it. I miss it but I really think it's the memories of us there that I miss.

Love you

August 16, 2006

I had a dream this morning. I was dreaming that we were prepairing for your wedding - It was a happy dream. Jo Ann, Denise and myself were getting our dresses fitted... I felt so happy that you were joining the family.... Then for some reason I remembered everything that's happened and I woke up and a wave of saddness came over me.... I guess a part of me still can't believe that you are gone... I look at your pictures and I still can't believe it...

Cody is getting so big. He loves our dogs, Winston the Golden Retriever and Luna, they new puppy. He says 'Dog' clear as a bell! Joseph and I took Cody for a walk in his stroller with the dogs. He loved it. He would lean out the side of his stroller and watch the dogs walking next to him. He's so much fun... Both Joseph and Vincent want Cody go come to their football games.

Louise
sister-in-law

August 16, 2006

To the Family, friends and fellow Officers,
I've been trying to think of an eloquent reflection to post on this site after reading what was posted on my daughter's site Aug 1st. I find it difficult to find the right words. Mere words can't ease the pain that's felt even after years of losing your loved one...it just never goes away. There is always a hole in your heart that never heals. Losing a child is devastating, and when I think of a baby who will never have a chance to really know his father, and a young mother who copes with that all the years that child is growing up, my heart truly breaks for you.
My daughter, Melissa Schmidt, also died by gunfire on duty with the City of Minneapolis, (EOW 8/01/02) at 35 yrs of age and was a former Marine. I'm sure she and Larry are walking the heavenly beat and have everything under control.
They'll both live on in our hearts and memories and will be with us forever in spirit. My thoughts and prayers are
with all of you.
Sincerely, Carole Schmidt

Another Survivor

August 16, 2006

Hi, Joanne.
I finally got motivated and called COPS to get your email address. They actually took my information and will be emailing it to you. So, hopefully we can get in contact soon. I think about you all the time - I haven't forgotten you at all! Sounds like Cody is growing up so fast!!
Check your email!

Jennifer Waters
Mike Waters, WMPD, EOW 9.11.03

August 16, 2006

Dear Mrs. Lasater,
I know you don't know who I am, but I have so much admiration and respect for you. My cousin past away in the line of duty only two years ago, and his wife has already moved on. Its hurts are family greatly to know how easily she could just move on when all of us are still in so much pain. I read your reflections, and I could only wish my cousin had a wife like you.

August 14, 2006

I went to Officer Clearman's funeral. I can't help but wonder if you met him at some point in the Marines. He was an instructor where you went to that mountain leaders course. He was also in San Diego. Some of the pictures they showed of him reminded me of pictures I have of you. The service was so touching and to see his wife, parents and sisters broke my heart. His wife looked like she was in shock, the same way I must have looked. I feel sorry for her...I know the road she's about to travel and it never gets any easier. The difference now is that the shock has worn off. I still am not at the acceptance stage. I refuse to ever accept this.

I'm noticing changes in people now. Or maybe it's that I've changed so much that I don't feel the same connection to certain people that I once did. And frankly, I don't even care. Things that were once so important to me just don't matter anymore.

Cody has 8 teeth and quite the little personality. He wakes up smiling every morning. He has the same routine. He points to the fan and then moves his arm around and around like the fan. He then has to turn the light on and off about 20 times. Then he likes to open and close the medicine cabinet. I then put him down in his room and he turns on the music and is so proud that he figured that out. Still not walking but I can wait. It looks like he'll be a late walker like his cousin Daniel. Daniel calls Cody his "God brother" since we are his godparents and his parents are Cody's godparents. How cute.

Love you

August 12, 2006