Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

I think about you all the time. Nick and Dan mention you every night in their prayers. I see their faces change when you are mentioned. Their whole world has been turned upside-down. They loved you so much. Dominic says he can see you up in heaven, and I believe him. I know you're watching us all. I so miss your loud knock on my door. No one else knocks that way, and I always knew it was you. I miss you bumming a tool or a beer and hanging out for awhile. It always brightened my day, and I just took it for granted that you'd always be there. Every time I see someone jogging I think of you and how I would yell out the window at you "loser" with the L on my forehead! I used to love teasing you. You had such a great sense of humor. I love your little son so much. I look in his eyes and I see you there.

Denise

November 2, 2005

Cody is big enough that I can carry him around without holding his head. He's so proud of himself. He likes when I stand him up and gets upset if I stop and he's not ready to. He's the boss. He loves to look in the mirror, he thinks that baby that stares back at him is cute. He'll smile at himself and then get shy and put his head on my shoulder. I wish you were here.
It's so quiet without you. I miss you more and more as time goes on. I love you and always will. I'm so lonely without you. At the last funeral I went to there was a quote "To the world you may be just one person but to one person you may be the world."

November 2, 2005

Yesterday was Halloween. It should have been such a happy day - Cody's first Halloween. If you were here, I know that you & Jo Ann would have dressed Cody up & then taken him to visit all the relatives so we could see how cute he looked in his costume. I imagine that you would have eaten all his candy! So, I brought you some candy last night at the cemetery. As I placed the candy on your grave I just cried & cried & cried.... All I could think of was how WRONG it was to be doing this.... placing candy on your grave while Cody has his first Halloween.... You should have been here taking him out to the neighbors houses and enjoying halloween as a new parent.... This is all so WRONG and UNFAIR. I also put candy on the childrens graves that are near you.... Little Paula, Jamie and Mark.... I thought how wrong it was for their families too.... They should also be enjoying Halloween... We miss you.

Louise
sister-in-law

November 1, 2005

Cody is getting so big! I took him to Les and Summer's house for a Halloween party. He was Superman. You would have loved how your friends were dressed. I wish I could have dressed up but I just can't get into the spirit of things anymore. Maybe next year.
I love you

November 1, 2005

On my note earlier today to you, I forgot to tell you how cute Denise and Ron's youngest son was last night with Cody. He would come over and hold his baby cousin Cody's hands so gently. You could already see the love that little guy has for his baby cousin. I know how sentimental you are, and that would have brought tears to your eyes. I hope you were watching.

October 30, 2005

Last night was the first annual Pittsburg Police Dept. Appreciation Dinner which was hosted by three service groups in Pittsburg. It was such a nice event and it was good to see the community honor law enforcement without the initiating event being a death. Special tribute was paid to Officers 120 and 257 and we were presented with beautiful roses. I was especially glad that Les was the presenter of the flowers to me and Jo Ann. When I got home, I picked out two beautiful vases you and James had given me and arranged the flowers in them.

You always had such good taste. Through the years I have received so many lovely presents from you. This past week I competed in the Evening Star custom dance boots you, Jo Ann, James and Lenore gave me for Christmas of 2003. Glen and I performed our spotlight routine which I call my tribute dance to you...it is a nightclub two step to "I hope you dance" and then it transitions into a swing routine to a gospel song. Glen and I qualified for North American championships this December in Vegas and we are going to add a cha cha and samba between the nightclub and swing portion. I am asking that I be given your badge number as my competition number since it is all dedicated to you. After you were killed, I thought I would never dance again, but when the Sheriff's Academy class gave Jo Ann that CD and book of "I hope you dance", I felt that was a message from you and God. Thank you, son, for always supporting me in my competions whether it was personally cheering me on, watching competition tapes, or helping with reservations and travel arrangements. After your death, I received a sympathy card from one of Lenore's friends who says she holds in her heart a visual picture of you and I dancing at James and Lenore's wedding.

I hold so many pictures of you throughout the years in my heart. How I wish I could look into your beautiful blue eyes today. I miss you so much.

Cody has his first Halloween tomorrow. Everything would be so different if you were here. He was so good at the dinner last night. He lets everyone hold him.

This nightmare is so unfair.
Why did that scum have to take you from us? I will not ever abandon seeking justice for you.

I love you and will throughout eternity.

October 30, 2005

You know what is really sad? I take so many pictures of Cody and as I was putting together photo albums I realized he's all alone in most of the pictures. I started having friends and family take pictures of me with him so he'll have that. I just imagine all the cute pictures we would have taken. You and Cody sitting on the couch watching football, me giving him a bath, us together in the hospital. God, all the things that poor kid is missing. I went to a Catholic funeral for a Police Officer who was killed in a car accident. I cried for him and I cried for you. Being in church was strange for me. I used to pray every night. I know I told you that I made up a prayer when I was 7 and I've been saying it ever since. I stopped the day this happened to you because praying for the safety of my loved ones didn't do any good at all. I need to make peace with God. I can't let that monster take my faith too. I have to believe that you're still around, watching over us. I have to believe that there's something after this life. There's no way that someone so wonderful would just be gone.

Cody was good tonight at the dinner. His Grandma, uncles & cousins were all there. Everyone loves him.

Love you

October 30, 2005

I love you so much. I miss you more as time goes on. You're always with us, I think about you constantly and I always tell Cody all about his dad. I tell him how silly you could be and also how much love you had for him from the moment you found out.
Love you

October 29, 2005

JoAnn,
You are the strongest woman I know. Larry is so proud of you, I just know it! Please keep smiling.

pittsburg police officer's wife

October 29, 2005

Dear Mrs. Lancaster,
Although we do not know each other, I wanted to let you know that you and your son will always be in my heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you always....

Tiffany

October 27, 2005

Today you & Dan Niemi received an award from the Chief Special Agent's Association of Northern California. Once again I was proud to be the wife of such an incredible guy. Cody was so good, he sure does love a crowd.
I went to the wives meeting and our son slept right through it. He really missed out because he loves being surrounded by girls...just like you! I barely made it through our anniversary, next thing to get through is my birthday. I just have to take it one day at a time.
I'll miss you & love you always

October 26, 2005

i cant imagine the pain you and your family is going through. i have read all the reflections and even though i didnt know larry i know he was a wonderful husband and son. you and your family will always be in my prayers.

Ofc. Martin LPPD

Ofc. Martin
lincoln park pd, mi

October 26, 2005

Cody wakes up smiling, he's such a happy baby. He looks at me in the morning and gets so jolly. It cracks me up. You would have loved him so much Larry.

Always

October 26, 2005

Mrs. Lasater,
I have read some of the things you have written to your husband and I want you to know that it is quite normal to write to him. That's the only way to let your feelings out. It seems like other people go on & don't seem so open to listen to you. I don't think it's because they don't care but because they are at a loss for words and don't know what to do. I still leave cards sometimes at my first husbands tomb. Our situations were a little different (we were separated unfortunately but I still did/do love him) but I know how people quit talking about our guys after some time goes by. If you are like me, it seems like people have forgotten him and the sacrifice made. I saw that your anniversary just passed...I know it wasn't a happy one but take comfort in knowing you were able to love him and be loved by him to share that special day...so always remember it as a special day instead of a sad one. If you want to contact me, leave a note for me on Calvin's page. My prayers are with you, Cody and the rest of your family.

Denise
Survivor of Trooper Calvin Taylor

October 25, 2005

On our anniversary I went to the church where we were married 6 years ago. I remembered walking down the aisle and seeing you waiting. Remember how the picture of me and my dad didn't come out and I thought it was a bad sign?
I was thinking about how I thought I was so independent before you. I had pretty much given up on the idea of finding the love of my life. It's so strange how you were there the whole time. I remember how I gave you advice on that girl you liked and I would talk to you about my guy problems. Denise used to ask me about possibly dating my friend Larry and I told her she was nuts. I thought you were a nice guy but just as a friend. Who knew it would turn into such an incredible love. I'm having such a difficult time. I can't move on. I can't have a good life without you. I look forward to the end of the day. Sleep is my only escape from the pain. I fell asleep with Cody this afternoon and I had a dream that I answered the door and there you were. It was such a warm feeling to see you again.

Love you always

October 24, 2005

Yesterday was six months from the day you were shot, and it was also your wedding anniversary. Six months ago was the worst day of my life. Your wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life. You and Jo Ann had such a beautiful wedding...it was truly a day to always remember. I will never forget how you played your little trick on me during the mother-son dance when you had the dj switch from a standard wedding ballad to a swing song. I remember how hard you worked on the slide show presentation for your wedding reception and how awesome it turned out.

On Saturday I attended my first COPS function. Everyone was so nice to us, but it was chilling to see how many families had been affected by the same devastation to their lives that we are now facing. And the delay that some of them are facing in the trial proceedings is infuriating. A lot of the attendees gravitated toward Cody..he was such a good baby.

Loving you forever and a day.

October 24, 2005

Yesterday was horrible. Not only was it our anniversary, it was 6 months exactly from the day you were shot. Today is 6 months from the day that they declared that you were gone and tomorrow is 6 months from the day that you were removed from life support. I didn't leave town for our anniversary. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to be near the cemetary. I went a few times yesterday. It's so strange to not have our anniversary acknowledged. It was such an important day and now it's yet another reminder that you're gone. No gifts, nobody saying "happy anniversary" and no escape from the pain of losing you. This will never end. My whole life is ruined. If it weren't for Cody I'd be even more miserable. As I'm writing this I can hear him playing with his toy. He loves to hit this little funny looking cow. He'll play with it until he falls asleep.

I'm going to finally finish decorating your office. I want to hang all your awards and pictures. When Cody comes in here he'll be able to really get a sense of who is daddy is. Someday he'll be able to try on your clothes. They're still in your closet and will remain there. This room will be all about you.

I love you

October 24, 2005

I'm touched by the reflections left by Larry's loved ones especially his wife and his mother. From the words expressed I can tell what a great man Larry was, and I know he is up above in the heavens looking down and protecting us. RIP my fellow brother and I'll see u in heaven.

PO
NYPD (Bronx)

October 24, 2005

TO THIS FAMILY - I AM SADDENED THAT YOU TOO HAVE BECOME PART OF A CLUB NO ONE CHOOSES TO BE A MEMEBER OF. HOLD ON TO YOUR MEMORIES. I AM SO GLAD THEIR IS LITTLE CODY FOR YOU TO CUDDLE , A PART OF YOUR OFFICER THAT YOU CAN PHYSICALLY TOUCH. I WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE THAT. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, YOU CAN ONLY DO THIS ONE DAY AT THE TIME. A MOM THAT UNDERSTANDS. MOTHER OF DEPUTY JOSH BLYLER EOW 05/02/2004

JEAN BLYLER
MOM

October 22, 2005

Tomorrow is our anniversary. I bet we would have quietly celebrated at home. We would have wanted to spend the evening with the baby. We wouldn't need to exchange gifts because our little Cody is the best gift of all. Knowing you though you would've bought something special for me. I hope I feel you around me tomorrow.

Love you

October 22, 2005

Dear Lasater Family and friends,

I am rarely lost for words but as I read all the loving reflections left for this wonderful hero I find myself searching for the right words.


It has been 32 years since my father was taken from us without warning or the opportunity to even say goodbye. I can tell you the loss never goes away but knowing that they left doing what others seldom have the courage or honor to attempt, helps deal with the hurt and loss.

You must and will carry on for the future that they helped establish and left in our hands. Carry on to tell the story of how they lived, loved, and faught for those who couldn't fight for themselves. Carry on to let others know that true heroes and honor are real.

Indeed the hurt never goes away, but it is truly softened by remembering and reflecting on the many who will learn of their love and honor by the way we live our life's.

May God bless and watch over you.

Son of G. Truman Wortham EOW 7/15/73

Assistant Chief Carl Wortham Retired
Sand Springs Okla Police Department

October 21, 2005

After reading your recent thoughts about your beloved Larry, I felt compelled to reach out to you, to express how touching your letters are and that I too share your pain and heartbreak.

Just when I think I have dipped down to the saddest part of my day, I read a passage from another fallen officer’s reflections and I feel even more anguished. Each day I go through the same routine and series of emotions; must get out of bed, must paste on a smile so people won’t worry, must grasp that he’s never coming back, must somehow replace the rage --- with what?? Resignation? On and on it goes, day after day until the fog of weeks becomes months.

Before pulling up this website, I brace myself for the relentless sadness and loss, and I choke back the tears that are forever right under the surface. But I also find great comfort in reading these loving and wrenching reflections posted on these pages. I wish NOBODY knew how I/we feel. Like you, I wish, I wish, I wish for so many things, so many other turn of events than what actually occurred for these officers/our loved ones. But we know how futile wishing has been for us since the devastation of life as we knew it took place.

Mostly, I just wanted to extend to you, Larry’s wife, mother, family, loved ones, my deepest understanding of how you feel, and to convey my love, and support to all of you. We do not know each other, and yet we are all a family. This “idea” or belief comforts me when I feel especially overwhelmed. I hope it provides some measure of comfort to you, however fleeting it may be. I didn’t know your Larry, but I keep him alive in my heart too, where he keeps company with my brother. Be assured that he will not be forgotten, and you do not walk this path alone.

Carmen Stevenson
Sister of Howard Stevenson, EOW 1/9/05

October 21, 2005

I wonder if the shock will ever go away. Sometimes I just sit and think of you and I still can't believe it. I can't believe that we're coming up on 6 months. The days turned into weeks, weeks into months and soon the months will turn into years. Where will I be mentally in a few years? What frame of mind will I be in when Cody starts school? Will I still be tortured by all these thoughts of what could have been? I always wonder what we'd be doing. When I'm changing him I imagine asking you to grab a diaper. When I'm giving him a bath I imagine me holding him while you wash his hair. Am I going crazy?

So lonely and missing you so much

October 20, 2005

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord...a reward from Him."

Psalm 127:3

Love,
Linda Rittenhouse, Matt's Mom
Officer Jesse Matthew Rittenhouse
e.o.w. 9/16/04

October 20, 2005

Your pain is our pain, your loss is our loss. We are family more so than ever now.
MaryAnn
The Espinoza family
Officer Isaac Espinoza,
EOW: April 10, 2004

October 20, 2005